Wedding Bells and Tears

I always say “Come to couples’ therapy when there is something to work on. It is an easier road than when you wait until you are injured and broken and looking for salvation and healing.” One of the gratifying aspects of being a couples and sex therapist is when a couple decides to come see me when they are building their future rather than when they come to me in distress. Premarital therapy is one of those opportunities where both partners are looking to learn more, grow together and find some open curiosity. However, this can also be a time of great stress and challenging relationships.

Relationships, ChangeElliott Kronenfeld, LICSW, CSTDecember 10, 2018Marriage, Couples, Boundaries, Intimacy

I Really Don’t Need Your Help!

So often couples come to see me in great frustration because each partner thinks the other is trying to fix them or control them. This behavior comes out in a variety of ways… often intended to be helpful or focused on making the relationship better. However, it often results in anger and disconnect. Partners report feeling misunderstood and begin to feel justified when their helping ways are questioned. They say things like “If you would only listen to me…” and “I told you so...” and “Don’t feel that way baby….”

RelationshipsElliott Kronenfeld, LICSW, CSTJanuary 31, 2018Mindfulness, Communication, CouplesComment

Let's Get Messy

So many people start a therapy process because they want real change. They want to change their relationship, their place in the world, their ability to cope with the things that stress them. People don’t want a band-aid, they want to experience a different way of being. When therapy is great, that is what people can experience.

ChangeElliott Kronenfeld, LICSW, CSTJanuary 24, 2018Empowerment, Couples, MindfulnessComment

Lessons From a 6 Year Old

The other day I was discussing the emotional toll of fighting and hurt in intimate relationships with some folks. We were talking about what happens after the fight. You know…when we have apologized, we know that it is time to move on and there is nothing more to process, but you still feel yucky inside.

RelationshipsElliott Kronenfeld, LICSW, CSTJanuary 22, 2018Communication, Couples, IntimacyComment

What are you fighting for?: Understanding Relationship Conflict and How to Address it

I lead a group for couples on how to bring intention into their relationship. This is a fascinating group and I learn so much from sitting with these couples as we tackle the many inputs into relationships that often trip us up. One recent topic was conflict. How do we have manage conflict in our relationship with intention?

RelationshipsElliott Kronenfeld, LICSW, CSTJanuary 19, 2018Couples, EmpowermentComment

Monogamy is like the color yellow

When I start working with a new couple or individual around relationship concerns I often begin by asking them what their relationship goals are. Most, but not all, will tell me that they are just looking for a nice, loving, monogamous relationship. They say that like I am supposed to know what that means -- and I don't. Not that I am clueless, but rather because I know that there is more than one meaning to the word monogamous.

RelationshipsElliott Kronenfeld, LICSW, CSTJanuary 16, 2018Couples, Marriage, Divorce, Communication, LoveComment

Digging deep?

You can’t dig your way out of a hole. Think about it. You are in a hole and you keep digging. What happens? Eventually, the hole gets so deep that you can’t throw the dirt out of the hole anymore and it just keeps falling back down around you. If you start to dig sideways, the integrity of the walls weakens and risks falling in around you. What should you do?

RelationshipsElliott Kronenfeld, LICSW, CSTJanuary 13, 2018Connection, Communication, Family, Intimacy, Couples, EmpowermentComment

The only 7 options

Have you ever been in a relationship (whether romantic or platonic) and felt frustration about how things were going -- wishing the other person would behave differently? You have tried being nice, coaching them to change (whether they knew it or not) and spent hours considering how impossible it is that someone couldn’t notice how inappropriate and unsatisfying their behavior is?

RelationshipsElliott Kronenfeld, LICSW, CSTJanuary 12, 2018Love, Divorce, Couples, Dating, Parenthood Comment

BLOG POSTS

view all→