2021: A New Word for a New Year

For those that have been reading my blog posts for a while, you will recall that I start every year off, not with a set of resolutions, but with a word of the year. I do not make resolutions because as soon as you miss the mark once, you have failed. I will go to the gym 3 times each week becomes the source of self-shaming, frustration, and guilt as soon as you do not make the mark (and I venture, that moment usually comes before the end of February.) Instead, I choose a word that becomes a perspective to set context for the different journeys I will take for the year…

ChangeElliott Kronenfeld, LICSW, CSTJanuary 9, 2021Mindfulness, Growth, intention

I Really Don’t Need Your Help!

So often couples come to see me in great frustration because each partner thinks the other is trying to fix them or control them. This behavior comes out in a variety of ways… often intended to be helpful or focused on making the relationship better. However, it often results in anger and disconnect. Partners report feeling misunderstood and begin to feel justified when their helping ways are questioned. They say things like “If you would only listen to me…” and “I told you so...” and “Don’t feel that way baby….”

RelationshipsElliott Kronenfeld, LICSW, CSTJanuary 31, 2018Mindfulness, Communication, CouplesComment

The Four Buckets of Feelings

Often, people in my office get confused about what they are feeling. When asked to name the feeling they are experiencing, they often name one of four buckets of feelings: Glad, Sad, Mad, and Anxious. Every feeling we have gets thrown into one of those four generalized buckets. Then, the same people start to get frustrated when their partners don’t understand the feeling or why they are experiencing it.

RelationshipsElliott Kronenfeld, LICSW, CSTJanuary 29, 2018Communication, Feelings, MindfulnessComment

Growing Pains

I play many roles in my life. Partner, father, therapist, teacher, business owner to name a few. These roles keep me very busy and I often feel the crushing weight of responsibility on me. Normally I manage it well and focus on meaningful self-care and attachment to positive people (just as I tell my patients to do!). I am intentional and mindful of what I need to do to ensure that I am meeting the many requirements that are put on me.

ChangeElliott Kronenfeld, LICSW, CSTJanuary 27, 2018Coping, Growth, MindfulnessComment

Coloring Outside the Lines

The crush of September is upon us. Kids are going back to school. The perceived freedoms of summer are gone. We start to become more focused on work and responsibility. I hear about this every day. As I sit with people, I hear more stories of being overwhelmed and under rested.

ChangeElliott Kronenfeld, LICSW, CSTJanuary 25, 2018Mindfulness, Growth, Self-EfficacyComment

Let's Get Messy

So many people start a therapy process because they want real change. They want to change their relationship, their place in the world, their ability to cope with the things that stress them. People don’t want a band-aid, they want to experience a different way of being. When therapy is great, that is what people can experience.

ChangeElliott Kronenfeld, LICSW, CSTJanuary 24, 2018Empowerment, Couples, MindfulnessComment

Sometimes I Forget...

There are times when I forget. I forget that I can do something. I forget that I have the power to influence and create change. I forget that I have coping skills. And, when I forget any of these things, I also forget how to find meaning and perspective. I lose myself in the chaos and noise and see my skills begin to erode away.

ChangeElliott Kronenfeld, LICSW, CSTJanuary 23, 2018Mindfulness, Self-Efficacy, GrowthComment

Hey Sexy!: Talking About Sex

I often will ask people basic questions very early on in my work with them, “So, how did you learn about sex? Who taught you?” The answers I get back are usually akin to “My friends.” “Nobody taught me, I learned by myself.” “TV, the Internet, porn.” “Experimentation”. Then I ask, “What messages did you get about sex?” The answers to that question are more widespread and diverse. Some are positive. Some are negative. Some are accurate. Some are not!

Thermometer vs Thermostat

I have had patient after patient come into my office talking about what a harsh and relentless winter this has been. I can’t agree more! It is always interesting to see how people talk about the weather. There are two classic perspectives that get presented: How cold it is on the thermometer and how much energy is being used by the thermostat. What an interesting way to understand ourselves as well!

RelationshipsElliott Kronenfeld, LICSW, CSTJanuary 14, 2018Communication, Mindfulness, Empowerment, GrowthComment

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