Posts tagged Mindfulness
I Really Don’t Need Your Help!

So often couples come to see me in great frustration because each partner thinks the other is trying to fix them or control them.  This behavior comes out in a variety of ways… often intended to be helpful or focused on making the relationship better.  However, it often results in anger and disconnect.  Partners report feeling misunderstood and begin to feel justified when their helping ways are questioned.  They say things like “If you would only listen to me…” and “I told you so...” and “Don’t feel that way baby….”

Read More
The Four Buckets of Feelings

Often, people in my office get confused about what they are feeling.  When asked to name the feeling they are experiencing, they often name one of four buckets of feelings:  Glad, Sad, Mad, and Anxious.  Every feeling we have gets thrown into one of those four generalized buckets.   Then, the same people start to get frustrated when their partners don’t understand the feeling or why they are experiencing it. 

Read More
Growing Pains

I play many roles in my life.  Partner, father, therapist, teacher, business owner to name a few.  These roles keep me very busy and I often feel the crushing weight of responsibility on me.  Normally I manage it well and focus on meaningful self-care and attachment to positive people (just as I tell my patients to do!).  I am intentional and mindful of what I need to do to ensure that I am meeting the many requirements that are put on me. 

Read More
Hey Sexy!: Talking About Sex

I often will ask people basic questions very early on in my work with them, “So, how did you learn about sex?  Who taught you?”  The answers I get back are usually akin to “My friends.” “Nobody taught me, I learned by myself.” “TV, the Internet, porn.”  “Experimentation”.  Then I ask, “What messages did you get about sex?”  The answers to that question are more widespread and diverse. Some are positive. Some are negative.  Some are accurate.  Some are not!

Read More
Thermometer vs Thermostat

I have had patient after patient come into my office talking about what a harsh and relentless winter this has been.  I can’t agree more!  It is always interesting to see how people talk about the weather.  There are two classic perspectives that get presented:  How cold it is on the thermometer and how much energy is being used by the thermostat.  What an interesting way to understand ourselves as well!

Read More