Posts tagged Curiosity
Why do we have to listen?

To be an intentional couple, one of the core skills that must be mastered is the art of listening. We have been given gross information about what listening is and how we should do it. Some folks think that they should be making grand facial expressions while mutter “uh huh…”, nodding their head and wrinkling their brow to show that they are listening. But listening is something entirely different. Today we are going to talk about why we listen and how we alter our approaches to listening.

We listen for four key reasons: to allow someone to vent, to help them unpack something in their head, to seek understanding, and perhaps to resolve something. Let’s look at each of them independently.

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Why We Yell

What is yelling?   When a partner denies that they yell, I wonder if they know what they sound like.   I think there are two distinct types of yelling.  The first, is the basic and popular raised voice yelling.  It often starts at our toes and rolls up our core until it comes out of our mouths as a strong bellowing exhortation of increased volume, often accompanied by words that would offend us if they were spoken to us.  The other type of yelling is more complex.  It is tight and constricted.   It starts in our throat.  It is not loud and bellowing.  The volume is not out of range.  However, it is the tone – sharp, clipped, judgmental, and cuts like a knife.  It feels like yelling to the recipient. 

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